I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
