Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
