a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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