I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
