I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
