pedialite and red bull = repair kit
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize