I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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