I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
