Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
