I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
