my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
