...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
