it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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