She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
