I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
