i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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