I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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