I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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