anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
