a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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