News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize