as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
