these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
