Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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