im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pants are for mortals
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize