Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
