i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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