its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
