YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
