So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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