The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
