It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
