I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
