i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
