Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
