he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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