i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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