He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
