so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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