Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
