my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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