So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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