We're like a lot better than the average bears
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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