Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
