The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize