i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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