through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
