it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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