I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
