So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize