Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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