You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
