my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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