if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
