I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
