I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
