i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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