just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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