I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
