I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can you repeat that, but with context?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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