Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My balls are so social today.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
