You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize