I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
