i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
