So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
