She is in my trunk
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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