Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
