Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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