My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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