apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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