I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
