I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
