mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
