fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
