i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize