yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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