he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize