There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
