Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize