I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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