I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
