just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize