Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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