yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
