HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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