Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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