please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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