I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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