I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
