I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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