I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You're a waste of cheezeits
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
