i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My life is pants optional.
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