I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
