smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
