My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
