the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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