if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
