You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
