At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
