do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
