I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
