I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
