Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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