I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
