Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
