There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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