Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
