Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
